"Dick Slang"

I have come to the conclusion that men need to be chained to the radiator and only let out under the strictest of constraints...otherwise, this is how they spend their free time.

Are the snakes bigger in TX too?

If you have to carry a gun with you to protect your dog while on a jog (also, why would you go out without your security detail, Governor?), your dog is clearly one of those fancy-fied, east coast/west coast coast dogs. But in all seriousness, the reason why the good Governor Perry was packing was so much more understandable:

Perry said he will carry his .380 Ruger – loaded with hollow-point bullets – when jogging on trails because he is afraid of snakes.

Yes, snakes. Hollow-point bullets fired from a laser-sighted gun...for snakes.

Terrifying Poop Gas Bubbles Will Kill Us All

I can't top Gawker's heading for this, so why even try. Also, gross.